How To Impress A Man

I found it hard to believe that such a guide existed. However, I have found one.

The original link to the article is here. I'm going to republish the article with my own notes.

1. Remember that men like women with confidence. If you like who you are, they'll like who you are.

No. Men like women with low self-esteem and daddy complexes. These woman are easy to manipulate AND need spankings.

2. Practice being independent. It takes a lot of the pressure off of men to know they don't have to take care of you.

This actually is a good idea. Here are a few independent lines: "No, I can pay for that." "Take off your pants." Either of those HIGHLY independent, and quite motivational lines, will score you points with the man of your dreams!

3.	Don't play dumb. If that's what it takes to impress a certain man, do you really want him?

Don't do this! Men don't want dumb women. We want easily manipulated women.

4. Dress well. Wear whatever you have on with your own style. Guys like those black seamed stockings and flashy high heels, sure, but you'll be more fun if you're comfortable.

Wow! This is stupid! Don't "dress well", "dress less." Slutty, I mean provocative, clothes that expose your pierced naval and `lower back tattoo' really place you on a pedestal in the man's mind. I know that when men see this, the first thing we think is, "Wow, she must be an engaging intellectual!"

5. Don't worry if you don't look like a supermodel. After all, you don't demand that the men in your life all look like movie stars, right? There are more important things. Give guys credit for knowing that.

Yeah, we don't want supermodel's. That's stupid. Plus after enough beer you will look like a super model!

6. Be engaging. A woman who is sitting with a bunch of men is intriguing. Those guys are sitting with her for a reason. Other men will want to know what it is.

That's right, any time I see a woman sitting with a bunch of men, I think -- "Hmm, intriguing." Never would I think, "Attention Hound" or "One guy ain't enough in the sack."

7. Notice what a man is wearing and compliment him. Men often go to a lot of trouble to look good, but rarely get as many compliments as women do.

Let me tell you ... When I pick out a pair of jeans and t-shirt, it's a painful process. Is the grey t-shirt the right shirt for this season. Should I wear the one that has a hole around the naval, or a hole around the clavicle?

8. Don't drink too much. Your inhibitions will be lowered and you might say or do things you wouldn't normally do.

Holy Crap! NEVER, EVER obey suggestion number 8. Guys love women who do and say things that `Proper' women don't say or do. Hell, most of us even have a midget friend and a monkey we can bring in, if you get drunk enough!

9. Be appreciative. Say thanks when it's appropriate. Smile when you say it. It means a lot.

Yeah, saying "thanks" goes a long way. "Thanks for getting me drunk and letting me hang out with your midget friend. What exactly happened, I can't recall?" To which the guy replies, "Don't worry about it, you'll soon discover what you did floating around on the internet."

10. Ask the man about his work, his hobbies, his interests. Listen carefully and ask questions.

Never ask a man about his work. You don't care and odds are you won't find it interesting. And for God's sake, don't ever ask him if he has `fantasies'. He does and you're not in them.

11. Find out what he's interested in. If you can hold your own in a discussion on baseball, stock cars or fishing, you're in.

This actually is a good suggestion. Ask him about midgets, drunken inhibitions and monkeys.

12. Be relaxed and easy to get along with. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable the people around you are. You might not be the only one who's nervous.

He may be nervous, but it's only because he's worried about his girlfriend catching him talking to you.

Bomb Pakistan?!

God. I realized today, why I have steered clear of the news lately. Today I've read about atrocities that possibly could be without parallel in recorded human history.

Nutty Pakistani rioters SET A KFC on fire! WTH?!

First, has anyone noticed the important people? Bush, Cheney, Powell, Col Sanders?

Where is the American outrage? Surely, if people are burning American enterprises over cartoons that we have nothing to do with, then Americans should be burning Pakistani businesses! Wait, crap, we don't do that here. Sure, you have the occasional nut that burns things, but it's atypical.

Really, as far as I'm concerned `riots' are a way for people to steal. Everywhere people set things on fire, there are always people there walking away with free stuff. Or in the opposite extreme, wherever there is mass flooding, there are people walking away with stuff (read Katrina and New Orleans).

Well, let me get back to *not* reading the news!

I Love Bali Drug Laws

Two Australian men were sentenced to "Death By Firing Squad" today in Bali! Are Bali drug laws draconian? I don't think so. Really, who is going to miss those drags on society?

More details about this triumph for justice, go here.

Drugs, gangs, all of the crap that erodes society can all be fixed. People just have to decide to. Honestly, if everyone in America said, "I'm sick of these *!@# drugs!" and started turning people in or even better, becoming vigilantes :), the drug and gang problem would go away.

Luckily, I live in a small community and don't have to worry about this BS.

My Three Hours Of Power

It was funny. I was googling `scott siegler ancestor' and found my blog come up as the second link.

My power is never ending. People from all over the world are linking to me. I'm such an authority on Scott Sigler, that the omniscient oracle, Google, gave me as an answer!

I bragged to all my friends. Spouted off lines like, "If you need me to make or break your podcast, let me know about it and I'll blog it." Life was awesome!

Until... I visit a friend's cube and tell him - "Hey, did you know I'm a man of influence and power in the blogosphere?". "No." he replied, seemingly unimpressed.

"Damn you!" I think to myself. I command him, "Google `scott sigler ancestor'". He does and I'm not the second item returned by google!

Hmmm.. Then it hits me. The inescapable feeling of "you're not powerful, you're an ignorant jackass" crawls up my spine. In my blog, I had misspelled Sigler. I spelled it `Siegler'.

My bubble burst and my friend got a good laugh. *sigh*. It's probably better that I don't wield any power, I'm certain I'd only abuse it. :)

From the "Wasted Breath" Folder

CNN Reports, "Bush Wants Muslim Protestors To Stop Violence". I'm going to pretend to be a prophet and prophetize -- They ain't gonna listen. So says me, the false prophet.

Sometimes you wonder why the President would even comment on it. It's probably safe to assume that all of the protestor's think that GW is the great satan. This idea is perpetuated because they could see his comments as an `attack'on Islam.

The `logic' for `attack on islam' is there, right? I assume that the radical protestor's believe that violence is justified by the Koran (sp?). Bush says,"Stop the violence." which is perpendicular to what the Koran tells them,hence Bush is the great satan.

Supposedly drawings of the Prophet are forbidden, because of the possibilityof idolatry. Now, excuse me while I go worship `the great provider', myfridge.